Taking Time Out to Re-Align

A few months ago, I was admitted into the hospital.

I woke up in the middle of the night to my middle-age bladder calling, took one step and walked into the wall. I bounced off a stack of bins of winter clothes ready to be stored away then hit the door jamb on the way through. I wasn’t drunk. I wasn’t high. I felt as if I were deep-sea fishing, ready to spill my guts over the bow. I spent the night in the hospital, listening to my roommate’s Family Guy obsession. The necessary tests confirmed what I’d always believed. I was healthy. In the end, the doctors narrowed down the symptoms to a few issues, but even months later there’s still no definitive diagnosis. The problem is this wasn’t my first wake-up call, and it wasn’t an isolated event.

That same week, I learned several bits of painful family news, all while trying to maintain focus on end of the school year demands. During my weeks of recovery, I thought a lot about time, how much I waste, and how much is left. I wanted to be more intentional and productive, and in trying to re-evaluate my time, I steered toward the concepts of Ikigai and Dharma.

Time outs are part of every sport and serve a valuable purpose. Coaches need to look at video and revise or reinforce strategies. Fans need to use restrooms or buy more snacks for the kids. Players need physical and mental rest. Often during a time out, coaches analyze a game or situation and communicate the plans of action to players, who restart with a clarified vision and renewed energy.

Most sports have a half-time. Football and basketball have four quarters and a set number of timeouts. Boxing and MMA have a time out every 3 minutes. Golf has a time out after each shot and a longer one at the end of each day. Cricket has a time out for tea.

In life, we don’t have limits on the number of timeouts we get to take or for how long we take them.

When it comes to taking our own time outs, the idea is often mislabeled as an existential crisis, as if turning the lens on ourselves means something is wrong. In fact, most successful people assess their visions and actions on a routine basis. Most successful people know when to take a break to ensure their strategies are working or to recharge their levels of energy and commitment, not just when things begin to fall apart.

Time outs work for athletes, entrepreneurs, creators, artists, students, parents—they work for all of us.

The Japanese have a saying, “If you get on the wrong train, get off at the nearest station; the longer it takes you to get off, the more expensive the return trip will be.”

I don’t believe I’m on the wrong train. Sometimes, my train feels like it could be riding smoother, and there are moments where I feel stuck. Aligning my actions with my purpose gets me back on track.

Ikigai is a Japanese concept that can help us identify whether or not we’re on the right train. Iki, or life, combined with gai, or value, translates into our life’s value. When we’re immersed in activities that are closest to what we value most, we are more likely to feel fulfilled. That fulfillment keeps us motivated to continue to inspire and help others.

To find our Ikigai, we need to ask ourselves 4 questions:

What do I love?

What am I good at?

What does the world need?

What can I can be paid for?

The intersection of what you love and what you are good at is your passion.

The intersection of what you love and what the world needs is your mission.

The intersection of what you’re good at and what the world needs is your profession.

The intersection of what the world needs and what you can be paid for is your vocation.

In the center is Ikigai.

Dharma is a similar concept in many Eastern religions, notably Hinduism and Buddhism. Though it has multiple meanings, Dharma is often connected to following one’s path or purpose in life. Ikigai and Dharma share many circles, but Dharma has two slightly different intersections, Varna and Seva, that may make it easier to find our center.

Varna is the intersection of skills and passions. Talent arises from the motivation to improve. This may be through sport, music, art, hobbies, or any career. We enjoy something therefore we continue to strive for success. In my younger days, my Varna was soccer. I never needed help getting out of bed to train, and the night before most game days, it was hard to sleep because I was so excited. It’s still a part of my life but has evolved in different forms.

Seva is the intersection of compassion and usefulness, knowing what we’re good at and how we can help others. Service is the key. For much of my adult life, I’ve helped children improve their health and wellness. Now, I also help families in their life transitions. By recognizing that we are important and that our knowledge and skills can make a difference in someone else’s life can be more powerful than any of the other intersections. This image below comes from Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty, a popular podcaster, author, and well-established guru of finding your purpose.

From Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty

Many of us may not have much difficulty finding our Ikigai or Dharma. Some have had more practice moving towards their center. It’s likely we’re not talking about radical life changes and transformations but small incremental adjustments, the 1% often mentioned in popular books and podcasts. But some of us may be searching deeper, searching for the right train, and that’s okay.

Whether using Ikigai, Dharma, or another preferred symbol or metaphor, taking the time to re-align can lead us to staying longer on the right train, though we may never be able to find the perfect career where we do what we love, make a ton of money, and save the world in the process. Our parents and grandparents may not have had the opportunities to love their work. Some of us may feel the same way. We have kids to feed, a mortgage to pay, meetings upon meetings to attend, rising tuition, health care, and insurance.

My maternal grandfather used to make stained glass and fish. My maternal grandmother played golf and tennis. My great-grandmother painted. My paternal grandfather sang. My paternal grandmother baked. My mom made mosaic tiles and taught water aerobics. My dad fixes up cars and boats and builds remote control planes. My brother coaches soccer. My sister travels to festivals and concerts overseas.

I write.

We all have Varnas, and there’s a good chance we’ve been living it for a long time. However, for many different reasons we feel off. We get stuck. Life happens. There are times where I don’t feel effective. I lose motivation. I fall out of my routines. My time blocks cave in. I focus too much on the wrong things. I get down on myself. Once in a while, my life feels a bit like this:

 

Taking the time to re-assess and rediscover our Ikigai and Dharma only ensures we are moving forward in the life we want to live. Because the clock is ticking. Shouldn’t we be the conductors of our own train?

Go out into the woods. Sit on that beach chair. Open that book. Take a day off. Book that tee time. Plan that trip. Disappear in nature. Meditate. Journal. Schedule that class. Call a friend. Sleep. Binge watch.

Whatever you do, follow your purpose.