Book of the Month: The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer

We all lead busy lives.

From the time we wake up until the time we go to sleep, we’re constantly on the go. We’ve become efficient at maintaining the endless cycle of repeating tasks: make coffee, exercise, prepare breakfast, prepare the kid’s breakfasts, figure out what to wear to work, drive kids to school, drive to work, spent 7 hours+ bombarding a break over a litany of tasks, pick up kids from school, feed kids again, then again, spend time with spouse or partner, relive the litany of tasks from work or the day, unwind, maybe with a glass or two of your favorite adult beverage, maybe a TV show, a movie, or ballgame. Then we prepare to do it all over again, until the weekend hits us with another routine and a different set of challenges.

Over time, we fall victim to our own hamster wheel. Pressures build. Control shifts. If we’re not aware, our lives begin to feel as if the external world is taking over. The work rejection leaves a deeper scar. The parking ticket irks us for days. That next door neighbor’s late-night hot tub party gnaws at us all night, affecting our sleep. How many telemarketers can call in one day? Gas prices jump again. The condescending email from our child’s school adds to the ongoing pile of stuff we hold onto and don’t let go.

It’s not that hard to imagine, is it?

If we’re wondering where the lack of control comes from, and how we begin to get lost in our daily to-dos, the problem may be simpler than we realize.

Michael A. Singer’s The Untethered Soul provides a framework for understanding the person controlling our decisions.

We are not our thoughts. We are not our feelings. We are not always the decision-maker. In his best-selling book, Singer details how we process the information our mind and body absorbs on a daily basis, often in extreme quantities at a lightning rate. Despite the barrage, we have control over what our consciousness focuses on. We are more in control than we think. The issue with most individuals, myself included, is we tend to allow the millions of bits of information to run our course instead.

Singer believes the loss our control over our consciousness is what leads us to feel blocked or off track.

I first learned of the book during an interview with Rick Rubin and director and comedian Judd Apatow, who said he found the book helpful in overcoming his feelings of inadequacies in the ultra-competitive worlds of comedy and filmmaking. By allowing himself to stay grounded and let go of the urges to compete with his self-perceived more talented peers, Apatow went on to write for TV, produce a hit, then another hit, and many more thereafter. Because of this mindset, he felt he became better at his craft and better in his home life, which eventually led to a level of success he’d only dreamed about.

The book does require more in-depth reading sessions and several re-reads to fully grasp its concepts. It’s not that the messages are too challenging, but by tapping into the awareness of what the messages entail, the reader is given a better opportunity to search within, creating a more immersive experience. The book begins by exploring our spiritual center and how to manage the external world. It builds into the root of what causes us to feel blocked, eventually tearing down our own walls and moving beyond our fears until we find a life of joy and fulfillment.

Many of us may find our strength through organized religion or self-care, through time spent alone or among friends and family, but the principles Singer expands on in his book prepare anyone for recognizing the simplicities to relieving pains and pressures immediately.

In one example of how we hold onto fears, he compares us to a dog who learns boundaries through the use of an underground electric fence. We limit ourselves to our own invisible boundaries when all we have to do is cross the threshold and enter a world of endless potential, free from our pains of the past.

What happened? An invisible limit was there, and when the dog approached that limit, it gave him a little shock. It hurt. It was uncomfortable enough so that now the dog feels fear whenever he approaches the boundaries. So you see, a cage doesn’t have to look like a cage. It can be a cage created by your fear or discomfort. If you approach your limits, you begin to feel uncomfortable and insecure. Those are the bars of your cage. As long as you stay inside of it, you cannot possibly know what is on the other side. The boundaries of this cage are what make your world appear finite and temporal. The infinite and eternal are just outside the limits of your cage.

Going beyond means going beyond the borders of the cage. There should be no cage. The soul is infinite. It is free to expand everywhere. It is free to experience all of life. This can only happen when you are willing to face reality without mental boundaries. If you still have barriers, and you know what they are because you hit them every day, you must be willing to go beyond them. Otherwise you remain within your cage. And remember, decorating your cage with beautiful experiences, fond memories, and great dreams is not the same as going beyond. A cage by any other name is still a cage. You must be willing to go beyond.

In Singer’s words, going beyond means living a life of happiness and fulfillment without the restrictions of holding onto the thoughts and feelings that force us to close ourselves off.

In his chapter on happiness, Singer writes:

Let’s say you’ve been lost and without food for days, and you finally find your way to a house. You can hardly make it to the doorstep, but you manage to pull yourself up and knock on the door. Somebody opens the doors, looks at you and says, “Oh my God! You poor thing! Do you want something to eat? What would you like?” Now the truth is, you really don’t care what they give you. You don’t even want to think about it. You just utter the word “food.” And because you really mean it when you say you need food, it no longer has anything to do with your mental preferences. The same goes for the question about happiness. The question is simply “Do you want to be happy?” If the answer really is yes, then say it without qualifying it. After all, what the question really means is “Do you want to be happy from this point forward for the rest of your life, regardless of what happens to you?”

Now, if you say yes, it might happen that your wife leaves you, or your husband dies, or the stock market crashes, or your car breaks down on the open highway at night. Those things might happen between now and the end of your life. But if you want to walk the highest spiritual path, then when you answer yes to that simple question, you must really mean it. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It’s not a question of whether your happiness is under your control. Of course it’s under your control. It’s just that you don’t mean it when you say you’re willing to stay happy. You want to qualify it. You want to say that as long as this doesn’t happen, or as long as that does happen, then you’re willing to be happy. That’s why it seems like it is out of your control. Any condition you create will limit your happiness. You simply aren’t going to be able to control things and keep them the way you want them.

When we allow ourselves to be free and learn to control what our consciousness diverts its attention to, we can ignore the troubling thoughts and feelings our supercomputer brains try to get us to focus on. We won’t need external rewards or accomplishments to feel satisfied. We won’t need unhealthy jobs or relationships. We can focus on deep work. We can be a better parent, or partner, or friend.

Living in the present moment, directing our consciousness, remaining open, letting the burdens of the external world pass us by, will eventually lead us to our greatest selves, becoming the untethered soul that lives with no boundaries.